TRUST
by yumnarai23
Summary: michael doesnt want fiona to go to panama. He wasn't only worried for fiona's safety. He was concerned for the safety of their unborn child as well. His knowledge of his child's existence was only days old and yet, already, he felt inundated with a fierce and instinctive need to protect it.


it was 6 in the morning.

"What are you doing?"

At michaels sleepy questioning fiona jumped, startled by the sound of his voice. Instead of being tangled in the sheets and snoring softly as he had been when she'd crept from the bed minutes before, he was now wide awake. She turned a glance towards the bed to find him rolling onto his back as he rubbed sleep from his eyes with a broad yawn. He squinted at her in the weak morning light. fiona favored him with a fond smile before resuming her task.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm packing."

It had been little more than a month since nates state funeral and michael was only now beginning to fully recover from the struggle to track down anson.

his lingering bruises were gradually beginning to fade. Dark rings of exhaustion no longer shadowed his eyes and his rosy color had returned. He was as easy with his smile as he'd always been, especially since learning he was going to be a father.

With the return of his strength and vigor, fiona had known it was only a matter of time before he made preparations to track down nates killer. In the days following nates's death, he wanted to keep fiona bedridden with minimal activities.

michael shifted onto his side, propping himself onto his elbow so that he could watch her flitter from one corner of the loft to the other. "I can see that you're packing," he remarked drolly. "What I don't understand is _why_ you're packing." He took the time to admire her backside appreciatively as she bent over to retrieve a fallen article of clothing. "i dont think ill be needing clothes fiona."

"Um…who said I was packing for you?" came fiona's flippant response.

The reply provoked a baffled frown. "You're not?" michael roused himself slightly. "Then why are you doing it? I thought you weren't comming to panama."

"Nope," fiona replied with a glib sigh. "I'm going with you."

At first, he laughed because, after their discussion the previous night, he couldn't believe she meant to be taken seriously. She _had_ to be joking. But it quickly became apparent that fiona wasn't joking in the slightest. Her expression as she regarded him was resolved and defensive. michael gaped at her.

"What do you mean you're going with me?" he balked. "I thought we agreed that you would be safer if you stayed with mom and waited for us to come back." He remembered in glaring detail how painstaking it had been to convince her of reason…at least he _thought_ he'd convinced her. Her next words to him, however, let michael know that he had failed miserably in that task.

"No, _you_ said I should be staying and I said that sounded like a good idea that madeline should be in protection," fiona clarified.

"Exactly. You agreed."he said.

fiona paused to regard him with a stubborn raise of her eyebrows, hands on her hips. "Actually no, I didn't agree, michael," she refuted, "I never said those words. I merely _acknowledged_ that it was a good idea, which it was. That doesn't mean I'm going to do it, which I'm not." They had spent literal weeks apart and, in that time, michael had nearly died _twice_. fiona was not going to let him out of her sight again and her expression said exactly didnt want to stay away frpm him anymore.

she wanted to be by his side.

"You've got to be kidding me," michael groaned.

"I'm surprised you'd think Id actually listen to you ."she said casually.

He watched her continue to pack, his concern mounting. "fiona, this is serious!"

She simply shrugged. "Please tell me you're not doing this," he implored.

She pulled out her sniper.

"You're serious about this," he mutterd.

she turned back to face michael again, he was glaring at her.

"I can't believe youre doing this," he accused her. "Why must you be so stubborn all the time, fi?"

"I could ask you the same thing," she retorted lightly.

"fiona we had an agreement."

"No, we didn't," she denied. "I never said yes."

"But you never said 'no' either," michael pointed out.

"Well, you have my answer now," fiona replied. "So what does it matter?"

"I don't want you to go."

"I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm still going with you."

michael folded his arms over his chest in challenge. "No, you're not," he declared implacably.

"Yes, I am," she returned in an equally implacable tone.

"fiona!"

"michael_!_"

"I don't want to have a fight fi-not over this.," he announced a little wildly.

"Then let it go," she countered, "and we won't."

Under different circumstances he might have done just that. That was one of the very reasons he and fiona worked together as well as they did. He was as easygoing as she was bullheaded. He could bend when she proved to be unbendable. He was compromise. She was righteous rigidity. he'd lost her once and he didnt want to lose her again.

he being in jail was probably the most miserable time he'd ever been through.

all he wanted was her safety-she was supposed to keep a low profile.

also-she was pregnant.

In fact, there weren't very many subjects on which michael wouldn't acquiesce to fiona and, in the past, doing so had never been that big of a deal to him. He had always reasoned that if it made fiona happy and it didn't kill him, then a compromise wasn't a problem. Until now. He didn't think he could compromise…he had told her he needed her and not letting her come would be innappropriate.

However, he recognized that explaining would not get him anyhere.

michael realized that this particular subject wasn't something he could afford to be passive about either. He wasn't only worried for fiona's safety. He was concerned for the safety of their unborn child as well. His knowledge of his child's existence was only days old and yet, already, he felt inundated with a fierce and instinctive need to protect it. With that particular concern driving him, michael rolled from the bed and crossed the room in hopes of reasoning with her.

Favoring her with a small smile, he pulled her against him and into his body so that her back was flush against his naked chest. He slipped his arms around her waist, resting his chin against her shoulder before dropping a warm kiss there.

fiona softened against him, sighing in contentment. For fiona, it was just one of michael's many sweet gestures, his unspoken surrender in their argument. For michael, it was a means of disarming her, because he had the terrible suspicion he was about to make her very, very angry.

"fi," he began carefully, his breath stirring against her ear as he spoke,

"I understand that you want to be a part of bringing this situation to its final end and under different circumstances I'd want you there, but…" He sighed again, carefully phrasing his next words to her. "You should think about the baby."

Her reaction was swift, volatile and immediate. She stiffened and jerked out of his arms with an angry glare. "What is that supposed to mean? You don't think I'm concerned about the baby?" she accused him, bristling.

michael wisely took a step backwards. "I didn't say that."

His mild response did little to calm her . fiona's blue eyes narrowed dangerously. "No, you _implied _it!"

"No," michael refuted. "I'm only pointing out that panama is not going to be easy…that's all. The decisions you make now don't just affect _you_ anymore, fiona."

"Since when are you an expert on women?" fiona challenged tartly.

"Don't make it sound like I'm trying to order you," michael retorted in an exasperated huff.

"Then stop sounding controlling," she volleyed back. "I want to go and so I'm going. End of discussion."

"It doesn't work that way, fiona."

"I'm not going to give up trying to convince you just because you don't like what I'm saying."

She ignored him.

michael clenched his jaw in growing frustration.

"Why are you being this way?" he sighed. "think logically fi!"

"Well, I don't think CIA is a good idea!" fiona flung back. "But I know you're going to do it anyway so I'm stepping back and respecting your decision! why cant you do the same for me, michael!"

"It's not the same thing."

"Of course, it's not the same thing because you lied to me!you promised we were in this together!"

michael jerked to attention as if she'd just smacked him hard across the face.

"Is that really what you think…that I lied?" he wondered quietly.

The underlying hurt in his tone helped to quell much of her rage. She had never been able to withstand her irritation in the face of his bruised feelings, and so, fiona found herself softening against the hurt brimming in his gray eyes.

"michael, I know you're tensed," she sighed."That's not what this is about. I get that. But _you_ need to understand that this is not your decision to make. Being engaged does not mean I have to do what you say."

"I'm not asking you to 'do what I say,' fiona," michael argued. "I'm asking you to listen to reason."

It was not the wisest phrasing and, as a result, fiona's anger returned just as quickly as it had faded.

"So you think im not thinking straight?" she snapped in offense.

Her reaction had michael groaning aloud. He threw up his hands in exasperation.

"Arghh! You're impossible when you're like this! You're never gonna understand what I have to say!"

"Yeah, well you're no day at the beach either," she muttered under her breath, but not so low that michael failed to hear her.

"What's that supposed to mean?" michael snapped.

"It means that I don't stand a chance in this argument with you because you already think you're right," she replied tartly. Before he could even _attempt_ to figure out what that statement meant or even pose a response to her, fiona demanded suddenly, "Don't you trust me?"

"Of course…of course, I trust you," he answered, though he had little idea what trust had to do with it.

"Then trust that I will take care of myself and our baby," she said. "I've always taken care of you, haven't I? I won't give anything less to our child. I won't let anything bad happen."

Rather than comforting him, however, fiona's words had michael slumping in defeat. Her line of reasoning was abundantly clear. She was not going to back down. She was not going to consider his viewpoint at all. He was angry that she wouldn't listen to him. But mostly, he was fearful of all the things that could possibly go wrong if she accompanied him…things that would likely be beyond his control. He had recently let his brother get killed.

he doubted he would prove more effective in protecting fiona and his child. That lack of confidence in himself had him lashing out at fiona.

"So you're just going to do what you want and it doesn't matter how I feel about it, right?"he said quietly.

"You act like I'm not taking your feelings into consideration, michael, and that's not it!"

"You're one to talk!"he snapped.

"Fine!" fiona grated in a flare of temper. "You want it to be this way…go right ahead! But remember, you started this, michael!" She presented him with her back.

"glad to finally hear it!" michael tossed back.

fiona whipped around to glare at him. "fine"

"Fine!"michael growled under his breath. "You are so infuriating sometimes!"

"The same goes for you!" She took a defensive step backwards.

he ignored her.

this took fiona so off guard that for a moment she stood there, half expecting him to maybe appologise. When he didn't, she raised her chin a notch higher, raked him with a contemptuous glower and stomped out of the room. Only when she was gone did michael dropped his mask of bravado. He sank down on the edge of the rumpled bed and buried his face in his hands with a sorrowful groan.

However, despite the reasonable reasons and the righteous indignation, neither was happy and it showed. Even Sam, who was notorious for his oblivious nature when it came to romantic matters, easily picked up on the tension between michael and fi .

michael and sam headed to the agency to finalise the details of tracking down grey in panama .

they were to leave tomorrrow.

sam prepared himself for the task of emotional browbeating, fully expecting that he would have to painstakingly extract the details of the fight from michael. He was surprised to find, however, that contrary to what he'd expected, michael was very open. He merely looked and michael and it all came tumbling out.

"fiona's mad at me," michael blurted without preamble.

Digesting that, he said. "So what'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" His vehement denial earned sam's skeptical snort. "Well, maybe something," michael amended in a mutter. "I guess…" He blew out a billowing sigh of frustration. "Actually, I don't know what I did. "

"Right," Sam indulged. "mike, buddy, let me set you straight on something. Your woman is pregnant. You've pretty much lost the privilege of being mad at her for a long time to come. Just ask jesse."

michael growled under his breath, . "You see? The whole situation is driving me crazy!"

sam swallowed back his laughter. "I can see that."

"I thought I was right," michael rambled. "But I guess she was right. But I still feel right even though I was wrong. And even though she's right, it doesn't feel like she's right because it still feels wrong. And the thing is, I was trying to do the right thing...i want to protect her sam."

"wait," Sam answered finally. "i dont get you. Was any of that supposed to make sense to me?you freaked out when she was in jail mike.i was there..and..its...well..i cant believe this is the same mike who wants to push her away again"

michael heaved another sigh . "I didn't want to keep her away.i just dont want her to come with me on this trip," he confessed glumly. "We fought about it and now she's not speaking to me." He scowled to himself. "Or maybe I'm not speaking to her. I kind of lost track."

"What do you mean you 'fought about it?'"sam said.

"I told her not to come," michael recounted. "She said she was going to do it anyway. I told her to think of the baby. She accused me of trying to control her. I told her she wasn't considering my feelings and she thought I was being unfair."

"So talk to her," sam advised simply.

"No," michael refused with a stubborn scowl. "I still feel like she didn't consider me at all. It's not like I ever insist on having it my way…" he went on in thoughtful consideration, more to himself than to Sam. "You'd think, just this once, she could…"

"…Agree?" sam finished astutely. "this is FIONA mike- Don't hold your breath!"

"Well, I guess that leaves me exactly where I am then."

Despite his obstinate resolve, however, michael didn't look at all happy about the prospect. Sam nudged him. "So why didn't you want her to come?" he wondered.

"I was afraid something would happen and I wouldn't be able to protect her and the baby."

"you need to trust her mike."sam said,"I get why you were worried,".he sighed."I won't pretend to know what you went through after nate, I know it was tough for you. I know you're still struggling with what happened and that, in some ways, the experience made you doubt yourself, "You're not the only one left with the scarss- fiona's still struggling with it too."

Sams words made sence for once.

...

the loft was quite when michael got home.

fiona was getting ready to go to bed.

he realised he should to say something fast.

"fi-we need to talk."he said gently.

"So talk," fiona invited stiffly when michael was reluctant to begin.

"I'm sorry," he burst out without preamble. "I'm sorry for everything ive said to you- You didn't deserve it."

"No, I didn't," fiona agreed.

"I didn't mean for it to turn out like this," michael continued contritely. "The last thing I wanted was to hurt you."

"But you did."

"I know," he acknowledged around a rough swallow, "and if I say 'I'm sorry' one hundred times I don't think it would be enough to express just how sorry I am. I went about this whole thing all wrong."

Rather than letting him off the hook quickly with the apology that was fairly pressing at her own lips, fiona asked, "How did you go about it wrong?"

Correctly discerning her unspoken invitation for a truce, michael went to sit alongside her and gathered her hands between his own. "I never took the time to look at the situation from your point of view. I didn't think about why it meant so much for you to come with me."

"I was scared," fiona told him, her words thick with unshed tears. "After what happened the last time…" She paused to clear her throat before continuing, "I…I just don't want to be apart from you, michael, not after everything that has happened."

"I understand fi-and thats why i really care about you," he replied.

"michael-You have to know that I would never do anything to jeopardize this pregnancy. you know how much I want this baby."

"I know-i do too," he whispered. "I guess I was so wrapped up in my own fears and feelings that it blinded me to everything else. I never should have said what I did."

"It's not completely your fault," fiona confessed. "It's not like I explained to you why it was so important to me either and I did kind of plow past your feelings about it. I know in my heart you weren't really trying to control me. You were just worried. I guess I was kind of hoping you'd get over it though and accept my decision. I didn't think you'd be so concerned." She squeezed his fingers briefly before bringing her wet blue stare up to his somber gray one. "I'm sorry too."

Heaving a massive sigh of relief, michael gratefully gathered her closer in his arms and burrowed his face in the crook of her neck. "I'm so glad that's over. I hate argueing with you."

"thats because i always win," fiona considered.

"ive missed you fi."he whispered.

"Good...atleast you agreed that you really do need me she said." pulling him down for a lingering kiss that gradually evolved into two…and then three…

michael leaned back and pulling her down with him until their bodies were completely flush.

"We are in this together," he said, smiling as he searched out her lips for another kiss, "i promise."


End file.
